


Man In The Mirror

by SeraphStarshine



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Dysphoria, Established Relationship, FTM Gerard Way, Hopefully this is decent, I've never written sex not involving two dicks before, M/M, Oral Sex, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-21 21:04:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9566282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeraphStarshine/pseuds/SeraphStarshine
Summary: Gerard's overcome by the euphoric sensations he's experiencing, and not just because Frank's sucking on his clit at the moment, but also thanks to his running mantra as well. It's making Gerard feel so masculine while he's getting his pussy eaten out, and that's something that he's sure only Frank will ever be able to accomplish.Or the one where Gerard lacks a dick but he's still a man and Frank won't let him forget that.





	

"What about toys?" Frank asks casually, his bright eyes staring holes into Gerard.

Gerard is currently tearing apart his sandwich furiously instead of actually eating it, mostly because every time he puts something in his mouth, he ends up choking thanks to one of Frank's intrusive questions, and also since he doesn't really have an appetite at the moment.

Gerard meets Frank's gaze briefly, his irritation not erasing the endearment that bubbles in his stomach while he observes Frank in only his boxers leaning against his kitchen counter.

Gerard likes when Frank stays over at his, it feels like he belongs here, but right now, Gerard would sort of like to be left alone, at least until his bad mood passes.

"Frank," Gerard huffs quietly, rolling a smashed piece of bread between his long fingers nervously, "I don't know, can we do this some other time please?"

"I'm sorry," Frank instantly apologizes, his brows drawing together in consternation as he crosses the small space which had previously been separating them, seating himself on the bar stool adjacent to Gerard's. "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, I'm just curious, and I want to make sure I'm doing things right and that you aren't missing out on something you like."

"I should be saying that to you," Gerard mutters under his breath, the words leaving his lips before he realizes that he's spoken aloud.

"What do you mean?" Frank presses, his hand landing on Gerard's thigh in what's supposed to be a calming gesture, but it has the opposite effect on the older man, leaving him flinching away instead.

"You know," Gerard sighs, returning his attention to his ruined lunch, popping a piece of ham past his teeth to save himself from elaborating further.

"No...I don't," Frank protests, stubbornly refusing to let this go which has Gerard groaning quietly in response.

"Don't make me say it Frank."

"Then stop thinking it," Frank shoots back, letting Gerard know that he's picked up on the damaging thoughts swirling around in his head that he's been doing his best to hide since last night.

"Fuck off Frank," Gerard snaps, allowing anger to overtake the hurt he's currently struggling with. "You don't have to lie to me, so you can stop pretending like you're interested in my bedroom preferences when you can barely get it up with me."

"Sweetie...that's not true," Frank gasps, sounding truly wounded although Gerard's too busy trying not to cry to notice. "Hey, please talk to me."

"I don't want to," Gerard whimpers, pushing himself out of his seat quickly, ignoring the way his legs wobble as he rushes into his room and slams the door behind him a bit more dramatically than he intended, but it fits his mood at the moment.

And _really_ \- Gerard knows he's being ridiculous, because Frank has been nothing but wonderful to him, even after he'd found out that his lower half is decidedly lacking in certain parts, mainly a dick, but Frank's easy acceptance of it hasn't made Gerard hate his body any less.

He'd saved up every cent he earned to be able to afford top surgery, finally collecting enough to fund the procedure a little less than a year ago not long after he turned twenty. He'd assumed that would mostly fix his self-esteem issues and help him feel like the boy he truly is inside.

Gerard couldn't have been happier at first. With his tits gone, he can pass as a man so much easier. No one questions him when he introduces himself as Gerard, and almost everyone uses male pronouns for him now that his hormones are taking effect, but that's only because they can't see between his legs.

But Frank can, Frank _has_ , and although Gerard trusts Frank, he can't help himself from feeling this way.

They haven't been together long, about three months or so, but Gerard had been smitten immediately, even with his dislike of relationships given the fact that he'd been so afraid that no one would accept him the way he is.

He'd met Frank at uni, _well_ \- he'd known of him for ages, but he hadn't had the courage to speak to him before when he'd gone by the name Gemma. His surgery had given him a rush of confidence he'd never had before, allowing him to finally ask Frank out on a date without fainting, although the act had left him severely lightheaded for hours.

They'd hit it off instantly, and they are still going strong three months after Frank had asked Gerard to be his boyfriend, but lately, Gerard's been slipping back into his old state of mind.

It had started up again when he and Frank had first had sex two weeks ago, which - while amazing, had reminded Gerard of how feminine he truly is underneath his clothes.

Still - Gerard has been handling his dysphoria... _mostly_ , until last night when Frank had struggled to get hard at all, leaving Gerard hurt and filled with self-loathing. He'd hidden his emotions at the time and suggested they both just go to sleep instead, waiting until Frank was snoring softly before he'd allowed himself to cry.

Gerard knows that Frank's gay, and it's always worried him that he won't be able to satisfy Frank the way someone with a dick would. Now it seems like his greatest fears are coming true right before his very eyes, even if Frank is acting perfectly normal at the moment.

"Baby, can I come in?" Frank asks from the other side of the door, a soft thump following his statement which leads Gerard to believe that Frank's leaning most of his weight against the wood.

Gerard's tempted to say no, because he's not in the mood for company, he never is when he gets like this, but Frank also has the uncanny ability to make him feel better even at his worst. So Gerard wipes his teary eyes and croaks out a weak yes, his limbs curling around himself when Frank enters the room quietly.

Frank doesn't speak, he simply lies down next to Gerard, his fingers rubbing at the knots in Gerard's shoulders until his posture relaxes slightly.

"I'm sorry," Gerard sniffles hoarsely, feeling the need to say it since Frank did nothing wrong, not _really_. "I'm just having a bad day."

"That's fine, you're allowed to have those," Frank shrugs like it's no bother to him at all, "and I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard with the questions. I just want to make sure I'm doing things you like, that's why I was asking what you enjoy and what is a no-go before we do anything else."

"That's the problem," Gerard admits, "I don't know what I like - _fuck_ , I don't even like myself, especially down there."

"I understand - well...I mean, I guess I don't, but if you ever feel anxious or uneasy or whatever, I need to know. I'm scared of fucking this up, and I think speaking about it will help us both get closer."

"I know, and you're probably right," Gerard relents. "I like being physical with you, and I love the sex we've had so far, I'm just not very good at talking about it after."

"Well I'm glad to hear that it hasn't bothered you yet, and we can try anal too if you want. I'm not sure how much you'll enjoy it, but I've been doing some research, and it should stimulate the back part of your clit or something like that."

"And what about you?" Gerard queries, hiding his blush caused by Frank's words in the crook of his arm. "If you don't like something about me, would you tell me?"

"Well..yeah?" Frank seems confused, and Gerard wonders if he's just acting oblivious or if he really has no idea what Gerard is referring to. "It probably won't happen though, everything about you is perfect to me."

"Don't pull that shit Frank," Gerard chokes out, his emotions overwhelming him again as Frank tugs him against his chest tightly. "Do you not remember last night - how you couldn't get it up?"

"I - _oh_ , baby no," Frank coos softly, his soothing tone doing nothing to quell the choking sensation constricting Gerard's throat. "That wasn't you, I swear. I was drinking honey, you know that, and I was so exhausted from work and school and then that party that it just wasn't happening. I explained that to you...did you not believe me?"

"Thought you were just saying that to make me feel better," Gerard whispers, his voice emerging softly since he thinks he's going to start crying if he speaks any louder. "That's fine if you are. I get it, it's not like I can help it. I just hate the fact that I'm still a girl down there, and I'm worried that you secretly do too."

"Hey - don't say that," Frank snaps so suddenly it startles Gerard, causing him to jump slightly as Frank flips himself around so he can face him. "You are a boy - dick or not, you are a _boy_. I don't care if you have a vagina, I really don't and believe me, I was a bit nervous at first, but it's like...I don't know. You're just you, and I care about you so much that your parts don't matter, only you and your feelings. One day you'll get a dick, but until then, and even after, I want to make you feel as good as I can in any way possible."

Gerard takes a moment to let Frank's words sink in, making himself truly listen to them instead of brushing them off like he normally does.

Frank sounds so sincere right now, so passionate and genuine that Gerard can't help but take him seriously. He knows Frank cares about him, he wouldn't still be here if he didn't, but sometimes it's hard to remember that when Gerard gets caught up in his head.

It's nice hearing Frank say that he is a boy aloud, because he knows that - _of course_ he does, but having it fall from someone else's lips, especially someone that means so much to him has him smiling.

Gerard tells himself he's a boy every day, he looks in the mirror and focuses on his flat chest and repeats it over and over until it sinks in, but it works better when it's Frank reminding him of his gender.

It's almost as if Frank understands Gerard better than he does himself. He always knows what words to use and how to get Gerard to listen when he's having one of his bad days, and Gerard still isn't used to that. Frank's younger than him by two years, but it seems like he's wiser and more mature so often that Gerard finds himself forgetting his age occasionally.

"Baby, you still with me?" Frank asks, nuzzling his head into the crook of Gerard's neck, placing a few soft kisses against the sensitive skin there that has Gerard shivering lightly.

"Yeah, I am," Gerard nods, his body reacting to the way Frank is pressing up against him and the scrape of his stubble over his throat.

"You're my lovely prince yeah? You always will be, no matter what parts you have," Frank reiterates, the words filling Gerard's insides with butterflies as he hums happily in response. "I am sorry about last night, I didn't realize you would assume it was because of you, but it's not, I swear."

"Thank you," Gerard whispers, his eyes fluttering shut when Frank nips at his jaw lightly. "I'm sorry I overreacted, I just still get nervous that one day you'll miss real -" Gerard cuts himself off when Frank sits up and arches an eyebrow at him, swallowing down the word _'boys'_ quickly, "that you'll miss dick, and I don't want you to be unhappy."

"That won't happen. You're stuck with me, like it or not, and I want you to trust that I'll tell you when something makes me uncomfortable, but I also need to know that you'll do the same. As much as I wish I could, I can't crawl inside your head, so I don't know how you would rather have sex or what you want if you aren't open with me."

"I understand, that makes sense," Gerard agrees, his frustrations from earlier melting away as Frank nestles back down, his arms wrapping securely around Gerard's waist. "I guess I don't really know yet. You're the first person I've been with since I figured out I was Gerard and not Gemma, so it's all new to me. Nothing we have done so far has bothered me, and I don't mind going in the front as long as you don't...so..." Gerard trails off when Frank's hands trail lower, brushing over his hipbones in a manner that suddenly takes Gerard's breath away.

"So we'll figure it out together then, and you'll be honest with me and I'll do the same to you."

"Sounds perfect," Gerard sighs as he repositions himself so his nose is inches away from Frank's, allowing him to see Frank's eyes which seem to be sparkling with happiness and adoration.

"So..." Frank grins when Gerard gets a bit too caught up in staring at him, "I'm not drunk now, or sleepy at all."

"No you aren't," Gerard giggles airily, heat rushing through his veins simply because of Frank's tone. "Neither am I."

"We could try something new, if you are up for it?" Frank suggests, his smile twisting into a smirk as Gerard gazes up at him, his earlier unhappiness draining away so quickly it's almost entirely forgotten about.

"I am not opposed to that," Gerard speaks up when Frank doesn't expand on his proposal, his legs pressing together briefly to try and quell the sparks pooling in his lower belly.

"Well...and you don't have to agree to this of course," Frank pauses, biting on his lower lip nervously until Gerard pokes him in the side, prompting him to continue, "but I really want to lick you out."

"What?" Gerard sputters, because that's not what he thought Frank was going to say. He'd been anticipating anal mostly, but not this. "Are you - would... _why?_ "

"Well I mean, I know it's supposedly amazing, believe me, Jamia never shuts up about it when she gets a guy to go down on her, so I want to do that for you."

"I...no one's done it for me before," Gerard admits, his cheeks tinting red as he tries to decipher how he feels about it.

"I've never done it to anyone either, but I've gotten so many play by plays from Jamia that I think I can be decent at it."

Gerard bites on his bottom lip as he ponders his answer. He's nervous about saying yes, but not for himself. He isn't too hateful of his lower half during sex, mostly because it feels so incredible he isn't really thinking about the fact that he has a pussy until afterward, but this is different, more intimate.

 _Still_ \- it's Frank he's worried about, because although Gerard knows he was with a few girls before he discovered he liked men better, he highly doubts Frank will enjoy having his face in a body part that isn't all that appealing to him.

But Frank had just asked him to trust him, to listen when he says Gerard's vagina doesn't bother him, and he hasn't seemed to have any problems with it so far.

If Frank hates it, Gerard's sure that he will be able to tell, and then they can stop, but if he wants to attempt this, Gerard isn't going to say no, especially since he's also heard from his friend Lindsey how mind-blowing it is and he'd like to feel it at least once before he gets his own dick.

"Okay," Gerard exhales shakily. "Let's try it, but you'll tell me if you don't like it yeah?"

"Of course, and you'll do the same right?"

"I promise." Gerard means to say more, but Frank cuts him off just then by pressing their lips together, the action catching Gerard unaware, leaving him gasping in surprise before he gets with the program.

Gerard automatically opens up for Frank, his jaw dropping slightly as Frank's hands tangle in his hair, tugging on it just enough to have Gerard whimpering happily.

Gerard loves kissing Frank - _well_ , he actually likes kissing in general, but Frank always gets so into it. He sighs and groans and clutches Gerard as close to him as possible while pushing his tongue past his teeth and exploring his mouth thoroughly. Gerard could do this for hours, has done it for about that long, but right now, the wetness between his legs is a bit more distracting.

So after a few minutes of biting kisses that become more breathless as the seconds tick away, Gerard starts fidgeting with his sleep shorts, pushing them down past his thighs one-handed since the other is currently wrapped around Frank's neck.

Frank notices his actions, causing him to pull away from his lips with a soft, wet sound. His swollen mouth and glazed eyes momentarily capture Gerard's full attention, pausing his attempts at undressing for a brief moment.

Gerard becomes even more disoriented when Frank leans down and begins sucking on his neck, his teeth grazing against his ticking pulse point as Gerard writhes and moans, his spine arching upward when Frank finds that spot near his ear that feels way too good to be real.

Frank's hands slip under Gerard's baggy t-shirt at some point, dragging the soft material higher as his fingers dance across his ribcage teasingly.

Gerard groans when Frank begins tracing his scars, the slightly raised skin tingling under Frank's gentle touches as Gerard gasps and tosses his head back impatiently.

"Are we doing this or not?" Gerard huffs when Frank slips his top off, only to attach his mouth to random points across his chest, which _yes_ \- feels amazing, but Gerard's eager to have Frank's lips somewhere a bit lower down.

Frank giggles against Gerard's sternum, his hot exhales tickling him slightly, dragging a sharp laugh out of him that seems to amuse Frank greatly. Gerard sits up so he can peer at Frank with what he hopes is an irritated expression, but he's sure he just looks amused and fond instead.

"Someone's impatient today," Frank remarks, a grin tugging at his lips as he helps Gerard out of his pajama shorts.

"Maybe, been wanting you since last night after all," Gerard teases, an answering smile stretching across his features as he basks in the relaxed atmosphere and the sense of safety and adoration that Frank always manages to create in situations like this.

"I've thought about doing this to you for ages," Frank counters with, and for some reason, that has Gerard flushing hotly.

Gerard never thought he'd be begging Frank to stick his face in his cunt, _actually_ \- he wasn't sure if he'd ever be confident enough to let anyone see him this way before he gets a dick, but Frank has this magical ability to make Gerard feel at ease that he appreciates more than words can express.

"So get on with it then," Gerard suggests, his legs spreading automatically once his clothing is discarded, the slight nip in the air producing a rush of goosebumps across his thighs which Frank brushes over with his thumb.

"Remember to tell me if -"

"I know," Gerard groans dramatically although his heart is subtly swelling at Frank's constant need to make sure he's okay with this, "but I'm fine right now, I promise."

Frank nods in understanding, because he gets that Gerard isn't in a bad place at the moment, contrary to earlier, so he stops talking and makes himself comfortable on the bed.

Gerard has to tilt his head back and close his eyes when Frank runs a finger over his lips teasingly, because for one, it feels electric, sending shocking bursts of pleasure throughout his nerve endings, but also, as much as he wants Frank's mouth on him, he'd rather not stare down at his own pussy.

When Frank first presses his tongue to his cunt, Gerard cries out in surprise, the wet heat and firm pressure leaving his legs clamping around Frank's ears and his hips tilting upward to chase more of the incredible sensation.

Gerard thinks he can feel Frank grin against his folds, the hypothesis grounded when his teeth graze his sensitive skin. Gerard tries to relax, mostly so he doesn't suffocate Frank with his thighs, but Frank simply wraps his hands around his legs and hitches them back over his shoulders before pushing his face into Gerard's heat and lapping at it eagerly.

Gerard tries not to be too loud as Frank eats him out like he's dying for it, his tongue stroking over every inch of his pussy before moving up to his clit, his lips sucking at the tender bud heavily until Gerard's panting so hard he feels like he's consuming all of the oxygen in the room.

Gerard is just - _fuck_ , his mind is blown, that's the only way he can describe this. Words have escaped him, he has no idea how to quantify the pleasure he's experiencing, and as much as he enjoys getting fucked, this is something else. It's so dirty, but it feels so fucking good that Gerard thinks he's going to come any minute now.

Gerard had no idea it would be like this. He's thought about it before of course, but it had always left him feeling more embarrassed than anything. He'd never imagined being left this desperate, that he'd be muttering encouragements to Frank as he slips his tongue inside of him, that his mouth would hang open as he begs him not to stop, but he is, and he's not ashamed.

But just when Gerard thinks he's about to lose it, Frank pulls away. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he sucks in air, and that shouldn't be as hot as it is, but Gerard finds himself aching to lean up and kiss Frank since he looks so good with swollen lips and a wet sheen clinging to the corners of his face.

"You good - you like this?" Frank asks in a deep voice, a chuckle breaking out of his chest when Gerard arches one eyebrow in a way that he hopes conveys _'no shit idiot, I'm not shaking and screaming because I hate it'_.

"Yeah, really good," Gerard answers hoarsely, his lower half twitching slightly as if in an attempt to return Frank's attention downward, "and you?" Gerard questions, still needing to make sure that Frank isn't disgusted by this even if he doesn't seem to be.

"Incredible, you taste so good - _fuck_ , I could come by doing this," Frank whispers, and wow - _okay_ , Gerard hadn't expected to hear that, leaving him wetter than he was before when Frank cups his hard cock which is very apparent through his boxers.

" _Fuck_ ," Gerard chokes out, his mouth watering when Frank pushes the fabric to his knees so he can fist himself properly, his stomach coiling with heat as Frank groans quietly. "Can I - I want to touch you," Gerard whines, his hand batting Frank's out of the way so he can feel his heat and weight for himself, "but I also don't want you to stop," Gerard admits.

"Here, you can lie over me," Frank pauses when Gerard freezes momentarily, the idea of sitting on Frank's face making him a bit nervous, "or maybe on your side, yeah, like this."

Frank positions Gerard, helping him when his muscles refuse to cooperate before moving his head back down to where it was previously, but now his lower half is facing in Gerard's direction, giving him access to his dick which is pink and red, the tip already leaking a bit.

 _F_ _uck_ \- Gerard had originally planned on jacking Frank off, but he can't help but to angle his neck and suck Frank into his mouth, his tongue digging into the slit eagerly which has Frank moaning harshly in response.

"Fuck baby," Frank mutters, his body tensing up as Gerard wraps his arms around him, steadying himself so he can let Frank's cock in deeper. "You're so good at that."

Frank punctuates his words with a rough lick to his cunt, leaving Gerard gasping around Frank's length as his eyes squeeze shut and he tries to open his legs wider to give Frank better access.

"This is how I'm going to suck your cock when you get one," Frank continues speaking, his voice sounding fuzzy and far away as Gerard concentrates on the stretch of his lips and how Frank's already starting to swell slightly in his mouth. "Focus on your head," Frank licks his clit before he continues, "work you up, feel you dripping for me before I take you any further."

"Holy shit," Gerard whines, pulling away from Frank for a moment so he can heave in a much-needed breath, his lungs thanking him for the small break.

"When you're fidgeting and can't take anymore, I'll swallow you down." Frank ends his sentence by slipping two fingers inside Gerard, the sudden fullness leaving Gerard crying out loudly in response. "You'll have such a pretty cock, just like your pretty cunt...can't get enough of you."

Frank continues whispering litanies of filth, alternating between using his words and his tongue to drive Gerard insane. Gerard pulls Frank closer to him before slipping his cock past his lips again, determined to make Frank feel as good as he does right now.

And _fuck_ \- Gerard's overcome by the euphoric sensations he's experiencing, and not just because Frank's sucking on his clit at the moment, but also thanks to his running mantra as well. It's making Gerard feel so masculine while he's getting his pussy eaten out, and that's something that he's sure only Frank will ever be able to accomplish.

All too soon for Gerard's liking, his body rushes with heat and his mind goes fuzzy. He thinks he should probably warn Frank that he's close, but he doesn't want to take his mouth off of his dick, and neither does Frank if the fact that he's moaning more frequently and his cock's flooding Gerard's mouth with precome means anything at all.

"Fuck Gee - I'm gonna come," Frank groans suddenly, his hips snapping forward in short bursts as Gerard tugs Frank toward him encouragingly, the fact that Frank is so undone by this filling him with amazement and adoration.

Frank buries himself back down in between Gerard's thighs briefly, adding another finger and working Gerard faster as he bobs his head on Frank's cock the best he can while still trying to chase the pleasure of Frank mouth.

Surprisingly enough, Frank loses it first, but it's a close thing. Gerard can tell when he's about to come because he collapses against his thigh and starts gasping harshly, and it's only seconds later that his cock is pulsing in his mouth.

Gerard swallows down as much as he can, but Frank pulls himself together quicker than he expected, and when Frank wraps his lips back around his clit and shoves up against his spot with the three fingers buried inside of him, Gerard shatters.

Gerard comes so hard he swears he blacks out for a moment, it's akin to touching a live wire, but instead of electricity, it's laced with pleasure instead.

Gerard's toes curl as his inner muscles clench heavily, Frank's cock slipping past his lips as he moans brokenly. His nails dig into Frank's side as he continues his assault with his mouth, drawing out Gerard's orgasm to the point where he almost needs it to stop or else he might pass out.

Frank crawls up Gerard's body while he's still trying to catch his breath, his vision spotty and his head spinning when he feels the weight of his boyfriend pressing against his torso.

Frank wipes at some of the come that's trickling out of the corner of Gerard's mouth, the pads of his fingers gathering it up and flicking it away before he leans down and captures Gerard's lips in a filthy kiss that tastes of the both of them.

"You alright sweetie?" Frank asks when they pull apart.

Gerard peers up at him groggily, his limbs shaking minutely as he smiles back up at Frank dopily.

"Fucking fantastic."

"God, that was, wasn't it?" Frank grins cheekily as he wipes the both of them off with Gerard's shirt, tossing the soiled fabric into the bin before digging through the pile of clothes on the floor for a new one that Gerard pulls over his head gratefully.

"It really was," Gerard agrees, "and Frank - thank you for just...being you I guess, and always reassuring me," Gerard spits out, a blush dusting his cheeks when Frank's face lights up visibly.

"Of course, you're my gorgeous boyfriend, and I will remind you of that as many times as you need me to."

And in that moment, Gerard has never felt more like a boy. Frank makes him believe in himself, he supports Gerard completely, which is the person he's always been even if he went by the name Gemma for eighteen years, and that's something special. Gerard doesn't have the words to describe that, so he just smiles and tugs Frank up so they can get dressed and finish their lunch.

And when Frank continues to grin at Gerard across the counter with a look of affection coating his gaze, Gerard thinks Frank knows what's bouncing around in his head. One day, Gerard will be able to properly tell him how much he means to him, but for now, he's just going to bask in the joy of having such an amazing person in his life.


End file.
